You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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