This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
