last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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