I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is it penis luge time yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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