i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
drinking out of a sandbucket again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
