Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
