At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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