She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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