i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
