Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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