Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
