The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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