I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
