your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
