He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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