Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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