Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
