I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
