I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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