i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Are we still banned from the library?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
