So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
