I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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