u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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