Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way