I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.