my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
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Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.