I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.