dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home