I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
