Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
