I wannas sexs uuuuu
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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