I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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