So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
