Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
