The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize