John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
