i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
