That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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