hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
