they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
