Cold hands, warm shart.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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