I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
