his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
