I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
