well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
