Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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