**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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