Little spoons don't ask big questions
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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