he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
