You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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