I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
