Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
