don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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