I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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