Where did you get a picture of my penis
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
