Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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