All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
