i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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