so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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