I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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