Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
