i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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