do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
