I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
