i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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