I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
