My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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