i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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