im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
