Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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