I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I faked an abortion last night.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I am midnight drunk by noon
she peed on how many people?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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