White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm just crazy horny about you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
