She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me