Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves

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  (503): I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves http://tfl.nu/4g59
  Replies (25) Good night (5712) Bad night (794)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.

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  (339): just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth. http://tfl.nu/ap45
  Replies (38) Good night (8698) Bad night (1400)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat

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  (402): I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat http://tfl.nu/ufc8
  Replies (24) Good night (2506) Bad night (3486)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.

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  (515): Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack. http://tfl.nu/7j66
  Replies (2) Good night (1846) Bad night (756)
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  (510): View more from California

  Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.

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  (510): Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today. http://tfl.nu/bpyv
  Replies (5) Good night (1046) Bad night (2075)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.

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  (920): I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up. http://tfl.nu/mqfc
  Replies (6) Good night (1738) Bad night (666)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us

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  (902): I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us http://tfl.nu/ltgm
  Replies (3) Good night (1801) Bad night (656)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth

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  (602): I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth http://tfl.nu/7hav
  Replies (5) Good night (1461) Bad night (581)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.

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  (225): You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness. http://tfl.nu/h6eg
  Replies (5) Good night (549) Bad night (1072)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?

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  (678): Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail? http://tfl.nu/41r0
  Replies (9) Good night (1049) Bad night (581)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives

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  (501): Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives http://tfl.nu/b213
  Replies (14) Good night (1391) Bad night (574)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.

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  (985): He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed. http://tfl.nu/6hgc
  Replies (6) Good night (1309) Bad night (508)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing

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  (734): I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing http://tfl.nu/hsq9
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (408)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(

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  (832): i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :( http://tfl.nu/r8m8
  Replies (5) Good night (547) Bad night (441)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.

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  (908): In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema. http://tfl.nu/b0rd
  Replies (2) Good night (476) Bad night (667)

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