check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?