have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"