I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
